Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
