I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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