Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
People in love make me want to vomit
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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