haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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