He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
