i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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