TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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