i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.