No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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