so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
