People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
