I'm eating all of the evidence.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
