everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
