you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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