Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sext me about skeletons
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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