i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
