You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
