He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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