If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
