Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
