Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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