I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
