Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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