Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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