do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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