Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We need to get me chipped asap
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize