Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
