maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
