when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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