He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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