People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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