So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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