You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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