STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
