Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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