trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
