do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
