If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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