i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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