Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
