I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
