why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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