mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
