this boner is exhausting
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
