I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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