Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
barbara walters just said penis...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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