i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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