remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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