I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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