Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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