Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The ass gains better be worth it
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