Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize