how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
