You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
