It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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