just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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