I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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