I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
