i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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