Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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