i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
