so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Randomize
