Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I am available for nakedness
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
