I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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