I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
