I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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