i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
