If i come over, it means nothing
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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