well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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