well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize