I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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