I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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