we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
