So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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