ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
