My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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