just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
did i just pee glitter
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
