I'm lost and stupid without you.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she pinky promised me she was 18
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
