she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
