this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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