so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Enjoy the penises
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
